The Dance

Sometimes I struggle with what to write on this blog as most of the humorous postings have just come to me and it is hard to predict when that will happen. As an example I present "The Dance" which came into consciousness at 5:00AM last Friday.

Raising a kid is hard (or so we are told) and there are times when your tolerance level and in turn your ability to take action is compromised. One of the best examples of this is in the middle of the night when Caden wakes up because he is hungry. Being a Fries he doesn't mind let you know when that time comes, usually it starts of slow, a whimper letting his stuffed animals know that he is awake and then gradually increases to jack hammer status.

During this 0 to 60 mph period several events can take place all of which revolve around activities that take place in the master bedroom and that start and end with the following activities
1. Someone wakes up
2. Someone gets up

But it isn't always as simple as you wake up, you get up, in fact contrary to what one might expect there is no actual correlation between the activities. What really takes place is a dance more complicated than any ballet, yet performed at such a primal level you wonder if you actually are in control.

Here are the steps in the dance I have seen, but keep in mind they aren't performed in an particular order and the list is not all inclusive.

1. Someone wakes up
Gently bump spouse to test their level of awakedness; this is really one of the most difficult steps since the touch must be subtle enough that you don't increase their or reveal your own level of awakedness.
If they are more awake than you go back to sleep.
If not awake go to step 2.

2. Their level of awakedness is less than yours - use any or all of the following

Grunt like you hear the baby and you have incorporated the noise into a dream about cavemen. This can be very effective since the noise may increase their awakedness and doesn't give you away. If really desperate scream instead of grunt.

The turning legkick. You turn your body so it is facing away from them while at the same time you "accidentally" kick their leg. For those of you with spouses who snore you already know this one.

Lean into your spouse like you are snuggling but wake them up at the same time. If the spoon is available take it and incorporate one of the other "dance steps" while doing it. The beauty of this move is, that if done correctly, it is seen as cute and an act of love.

Keep in mind that while you are "dancing" your spouse may also be "dancing" so be very careful, a half awake, sleep deprived partner can come up with some amazing steps of their own.

3. They decide to get up as determined by them starting to get out of bed. Obviously a victory for you, but if there is any awakedness on your part there is one more step that MUST be completed; as they move out of the bed you have to act like you were also getting up but just a second after them. Don't actually get all the way out of bed but show some effort and acknowledge them with a grunt (different from the caveman dream).

4. Go back to sleep